At the age of 29 I hit rock bottom. I started to overdrink (yes, I was using alcohol to numb my feelings) which of course only gave me temporary relief. When the numbness was gone, I was left with more anxiety and more dreadful thoughts and fears. For years my anxiety stopped me from going places that I most enjoyed and from doing things that I used to enjoy.

The moment I hit rock bottom was also the moment I had realized I didn’t know the person that I had become. I went from being this positive, loving, faithful, trusting in life person, to someone who felt the world had nothing to offer but pain.

The day I hit rock bottom I told myself “I need to get back to ME”, and what a beautiful prayer that was as the Universe ever since has led me to find my true self. Of course at the time I was thinking about the “before dad dying me”, but I had no idea that the Universe was actually going to lead me to find who I truly am, someone I had never met before.

The first years of my journey I learned how to truly master my mind, my thoughts. Don’t get me wrong, I continue to learn every single day, but I am grateful to no longer be in that place where I was convinced that my thoughts were the TRUTH. What I mean by that is, to give you an example, every time I had a thought such as “What if I have cancer too?” (a lot of What IFS used to cross my mind - still do, but now I know how to deal with them… ufff…) I used to engage in the thought and create this movie of what it would look like if I did have cancer till my mind actually believed that it was a possibility and this put me every time in a fight or flight mode, a lot of sleepless nights and living in my head.

After truly understanding the nature of how the mind works, how to deal with my thoughts, how to see them as just thoughts and not facts, I felt so free like I had escaped.

Then I learned how to change my beliefs. Our beliefs are nothing more than thoughts practiced on a daily basis backed by evidence. I was stuck in a pattern where I believed I WAS GOING TO DIE and HEALING WAS NOT POSSIBLE FOR ME.

I learned that all these thoughts were coming from my past self, the one that has gone through the trauma of losing her dad. I started to write down everything that was circling in my head, all my thoughts, unfiltered. Writing my thoughts down allowed me to make space for my emotions, to breathe into them, before releasing them.

Every thought carries an emotion, unless we allow ourselves to sit with it, it will always be stuck in the wheel of our inner emotions, going round and round.

I also learned how to help this part of myse that went through the trauma to feel safe. Befriending this part of myself, helping her to feel seen, heard, understood, loved helped me reparent myself back to safety.

Going deep into my body where my emotional pain was disguised as physical pain, also was a game changer for me as I was able to heal my own physical body by letting go of what no longer served me.

Also, letting go of a part of my identity that I was attched to that screamed “But I’ve always been THAT anxious person. Who would I be now if I no longer struggle with it?”

It might be scary leaving behind something that many of you have known forever, so a lot of people might be afraid (unconsciously) of who they could be without it, but I believe that I would’ve been MORE AFRAID knowing that I have to live with it my whole life.

Every thought carries an emotion, unless we allow ourselves to sit with it, it will always be stuck in the wheel of our inner emotions, going round and round.

It was definitely a scary journey, to say the least, but a journey that I would do over and over again so that I can feel the peace and freedom that I have now.